Last night, as I was enjoying the marvelous “Kalua” pork that my wife had lovingly concocted, the phone rang. For my friend and collaborator in the “Mouching”, Cyril, to interrupt our dinner, meant something serious was afoot.  And effectively it was: “My Flechie,” he said in a voice charged with anguish “quickly take a look at the “Le Monde” (french newspaper) of Feburary 19. There is a particularly revolting article on piranhas. We have to put a stop to it! Get to work my friend… use your divine creativity (here he was exaggerating a little!) and cook something up right now!”

Nervously I opened the newspaper and there was the article evoking the misfortune of our friends the piranhas. Why, you might ask is the sensitive team at “Mouching” so devoted to these animals who, to say the least, have a doubtful reputation?

The reason is absolutely clear. Like us, the piranhas have sharp teeth, they love to eat, they adore water (and sometimes toss in a few drops of pastis!), they don’t let anyone walk all over them and they are alone… against everyone! That should be enough to convince you, no?

In the totally biased newspaper article, the author profusely ridiculed piranhas as incapable, according to him, of decimating a fish called “APAPAIMA” (certainly a borrowed name!) because of their invulnerable scales.  In a word, our friends the piranhas break their teeth on the armored scales of the prey. (The author deliberately failed to note that the ARAPAIMA are complete idiots and don’t even know how to count their fingers?  It’s a shame they have the right to vote.)

My dinner finished (Ah, my wife is an extraordinary cook!), I sat down at my drawing table to work; day was breaking over the sleepy rooftops of Brooklyn as I finished concocting the diabolic procedure with which, surely, the piranhas shall pierce the so-called impervious defense of the ARAPAIMA.  The only thing left to do is patent this remarkable invention and send samples to the amazonian rivers as quickly as possible.

“Thank you, Le Mouching!”… Is the cry that will cheerfully ring out deep in the Amazonian jungle for years to come. It’s the cretinous ARAPAIMA who will be disgruntled and the author of that revolting article in “Le Monde” will have to revise his fraudulent words.