CHOPPER

You know how I feel about my Swiss army knife. It does almost everything, but almost is not all. Rowing around Tom Sawyer-style on Uruguay’s Río Hum, I’ve learned something: if you’re out in the bush for a while, nothing beats a good machete. Whether you’re pruning, making sticks to start fires, chopping that big bastard that’s ten feet long and messes with your neat little fire, open a way in the thick, giving a point to the poles for a shelter, or even — God forbids — cutting off a fish’s head, a machete is the tool for you. Or rather a chopper, actually, which is not exactly the same. Real machetes are lighter and more suited to open ways through the rainforests, but that’s not something I ever did. What you need is rather a good compromise between a big knife and a hatchet.

What makes a good chopper? My .02 is that you need some weight and a blade of springy and tough steel. You need a well designed grip, because maybe you’ll be whacking the bushes in your garden, maybe you’ll be setting a base camp for big bows hunting in the Parque Nacional Vincente Pérez Rosales, but the last thing you need is a blister. If it’s cheap, it’s not bad either. I’ve found myself the perfect toy. It’s called Chanceinhell (yeah, no kidding**), it’s a Ken Onion design for CKRT, thus a big name in knife making working for an industrial brand. It fits my hand perfectly, with a gravity center rather low on the blade, and it’s not too difficult to sharpen, even for someone as challenged as I am. It will last, that’s for sure given how it’s made (even though I didn’t really try to destroy mine). And it’s sold with a sheath, just right to strap it on your backpack’s side for extra bush swag points. All in all, 17 oz. well spent when you’re out in the woods, at least if you plan to live there more than hike around.

** It seems that you cannot go too far when naming contraptions of this kind in the States, because your client is probably either a survivalist nutjob, or a nutjob gearing up for the next zombie invasion.