It happened in the Clermont-Ferrand Train Station. Installed at the bar (please note sirs of the SNCF, the bar is miserable!) with difficulty, I was swallowing a ham and cheese sandwich (please note sirs of the SNCF, the train station food is miserable!) when someone of a suspicious bearing approached me.
“Sorry to bother you sir, but at your feet, I see among your luggage, that you have a fly-rod case with the logo of… (billing not yet settled by this brand… our patience has it”s limits!) It so happens that I am a devotee of this art. May I join you and exchange a few thoughts with you?”
“Absolutely. Please be seated!”
“Not meaning to be indiscrete, but are you going on a fishing trip?”
“It’s absolutely no secret, I am. I work for the celebrated blog “le Mouching” and I’m going to do a piece on the salt marshes of the Vendee; it’s said that one can fly-fish for anchovies. Perhaps you know, you undoubtedly do, that these little fish adore salt.”
“Yes of course. Everyone knows that… it so happens that I am an ardent supporter of the Mouching; I regularly read with delight, your stories and I dream for hours, grace of your passionate videos… And, I have an idea that has haunted me for quite some time, which I would like to present to you.”
“I’m all ears!”
“OK, here goes. It’s been more than a dozen years now that I was stricken by the virus (inoffensive, I naively thought!) of tying artificial flies. I quickly became expert, probably a congenital ability; my mother was a lace maker at Puy and my father made microscopes for midgets.”
“Tying the great classics like sedges with bodies of glittering gold, or the dragon flies with laughing eyes was well within my reach.”
“The challenge was to tie flies quickly and I after a few months I was able to make the most complicated models in a flash. To give you an example, I could tie an ultra-realist grasshopper in less than two minutes. You would have to agree that that is not trivial?”
“I would have to agree, without hesitation.”
“But the following phase was to create an odorous fly, for as everyone knows fish, like lovers, are attracted, by subtle perfumes.”
“That is rigoroursly exact dear sir, but unfortunately the fabrication of such flies has not been crowned with great success.”
“Patience my friend, I’m getting there. It was that time of my life when I met Anna, a magnificent woman from Belarus; a big blonde with features of a remarkable finesse.”
“One day when she was taking a nap completely naked with her arms crossed behind her head an idea came to me; I cut tufts of the abundant hair under her arms and from the voluminous hair that adorned the triangle between her legs. Oh the magnificent odorous streamers, what sublime Imago bodies I could weave with these supple and perfumed hairs… “
“When the beautiful Anna woke up and noticed her missing pubic hair, she got exploded into wrathful fury and chased me out of the house with a broom-stick while calling me bird names in her ex-soviet jargon: Нашли дураков! — Визгливо кричал Паниковский. — Вы мне дайте Среднерусскую возвышенность, тогда я подпишу конвенцию.!”
“And today dear friend, I would like to offer to MOUCHING , your noble blog, my services and my science. If you would be kind enough to give me the address of your office I would be eternally grateful.”
Quickly I scratched down the address of the Elysee Palace on the corner of a napkin, thinking that such a rascal should be housed in a place of choice in our highly celebrated establishment; where he’ll find a high concentration of individuals afflicted with the same handicap.”